Wife Control

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them were talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remained quiet. After a while one of the first two turns to the third and said, "Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?" The third fellow says "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."  The first two guys were amazed.  "What happened then?" they asked.  "She said, 'get out from under the bed and fight like a man!'"

Better than Sex?

1. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
2. You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
3. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
4. You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
5. The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
6. You can have chocolate on top of your desk during working hours without upsetting your co-workers.
7. You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
8. With chocolate there's no need to fake it.
9. Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
10. Good chocolate is easy to find.
11. You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
12. With chocolate size doesn't matter.

The Label

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Michigan." And they say blondes are dumb...