We're sorry, but it appears that you are using an anonymous proxy. To prevent fraudulent voting, we don't allow votes from anonymous proxies.

This contest requires users to be registered in order to vote.

You must be a registered user to submit a joke.  But registering is FREE and don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address, and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

You must complete account validation before submitting jokes. Click here to go to your profile page to complete the process.

We’re sorry, but your browser settings indicate that you don’t want to be tracked.  You can either disable that setting or simply register for a FREE account, so we’ll know that you want us to track your preferences and feedback.  Don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).


The best jokes and joke writers!

Getting A Haircut

Women's version:

Woman2: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!

Woman1: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?

Woman2: Oh God no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.

Woman1: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.

Woman2: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.

Woman1: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms - see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.

Men's version:

Man2: Haircut?

Man1: Yeah.

Anyone Here

Once upon a time there was a female brain cell that by mistake happened to end up in a man's head. She looked around nervously but it was all empty and quiet. "Hello?" she cried, but no answer. "Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer. Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and again she yelled: "HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE!!?" Then she heard a voice from far, far away: "Hello! We're down here..."

Without Woman

A women's lib speaker was addressing a large group and said, "Where would man be today if it were not for woman?" She paused a moment and looked around the room. "I repeat, where would man be today if it were not for woman?" From the back of the room came a voice. "He'd still be in the Garden of Eden eating strawberries!"

Last 10 Things Any Woman Would Ever Say

10. Could our relationship be more physical? I'm tired of being just friends.

9. Go ahead and leave the seat up. It's easier for me to douche that way.

8. I think hairy butts are really sexy.

7. Hey, get a whiff of that one.

6. Please don't throw that old T-shirt away. The holes in the armpit are just to too cute.

5. This diamond is just way too big.

4. I won't even put my lips on that thing unless I get to swallow.

3. Wow!! It really is 14 inches.

2. Does this make my butt look too small??

1. I'm wrong, you must be right again..

Men Are Like Plungers

Men are like plungers... they spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.