God Is Woman

God is a woman. I know this because if God was a man, He would have created the whole population female, and only one man. Then, He would have invited that male to the top of the mountain to look down at all the beautiful females. Then God would have gotten jealous and killed him.

Behind Every Man

Barbara Walters, of Television's 20/20, did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands. She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands. From Ms. Walters' vantage point, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem to walk even further back behind their husbands, and are happy to maintain the old custom. Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, 'Why do you now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?' The woman looked Miss Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, 'Land Mines.' Moral of the story is (no matter what language you speak and where you go): BEHIND EVERY MAN, THERE'S A SMART WOMAN

If Men Ruled The World - Drinking

• Instead of a beer belly, you'd get beer biceps.
• On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking.
• St. Patrick's Day would be celebrated monthly.
• Faucets would run "Hot," "Cold," and "100 proof."