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The best jokes and joke writers!

That Long Thing on the Elephant

A couple took their young son to the circus and when the elephants appeared, the boy seemed very intrigued by them. "Mommy, what's that long thing on the elephant?" he asked. "That's the elephant's trunk, dear," she replied. "No, not that. What's that long thing that's hanging between the elephant's legs?" asked the boy. Embarrassed, the mother replied, "Oh, it's nothing, son." She then left to get some hot dogs and sodas. While she was gone, the young boy turned to his father and asked, "Daddy, what's that long thing hanging between the elephant's legs?" "That's the elephant's penis, son," explained the father. "Well, why did mommy say it was nothing when I asked her?" the boy asked. Taking a deep breath, the father proudly replied, "I've spoiled that woman, son!"

Professional Acquaintance

A well respected Doctor and his wife were having drinks in the lobby of the theater during the opening night of a musical.  A blonde shimmied by that had to have had what there was of her evening gown spray painted on her curvy body. She smiled and gushed, "Well, hello there Doc." and kept right on going. After a moment's pause, the good doctor looked at his wife and said, "Don't worry dear, that's just a young lady I know professionally." Without missing a beat, his wife asked, "Hers or Yours ?"

Looking for Love

An woman walks into a drug store and asks the man behind the counter if they sell extra large condoms. The clerk looks at the woman quizzically, but shrugs and tells her "Yes, we do. They're right here behind the counter." The woman thanks the clerk and sits down in a nearby chair. The clerk asks the woman, "Is there something else I can help you with, Ma'am?" The woman winks and smiles at the clerk and says "No, thank you. I'm just waiting here to see who buys them".

Impossible to Please

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only"   Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.  The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."  So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain."  The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.  The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome."  Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up. They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."  They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.  On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome."  The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left.  Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor. There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman!"

Why Men Name Penises

Q: Why do men name their penises?

A: Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions!