Sex Jokes - Private Parts
On The First Night
On their first night together, a newly wed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "my dear, we are married now, you can open your robe. "The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. "Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture." Puzzled she asks, "MY picture?" He answers, "yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever". She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "why do you wear a robe? We are married now." at that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks, "why?" She answers, "SO I CAN GET IT ENLARGED"!
Middle East Policy
Q: Why was former President Clinton so interested in the events in the Middle East?
A: Because he thought the Gaza Strip is a topless bar!
A woman walks into a saloon and stands on a chair. "Fellas! My p***y is so big that I'll give $100 to anyone who has something that I can't take." A big cowboy gets up and takes off his size 16 cowboy boots and shoves them into her p***y. The boots are sucked right in. He grabs a flashlight and, that too, is sucked in. He puts his face in between her legs to get a better look and he gets sucked in. Inside he hears noises.
"Is someone else in here?" he asks. "Yeah, I've been in here for a week," the voice says. "Help me find my flashlight and we can get out of here," the cowboy says. "Hell," says the other man, "help me find my keys and we can drive out."
A woman catches a train and finds herself sitting opposite a little old Scotsman wearing a kilt. “Excuse me,” she says. “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but I always wanted to know what a man wears under one of these things.” The Scotsman replies, “I’m a man o’ few words, madam. Give me yer hand…”
Words of Passion
Q: What does Pinocchio's lover say to him?
A: "Lie to me! Lie to me!"