Sex Jokes - Private Parts

A little boy walks up to his father and says: 

"Dad, what does a pussy look like?" Father responds,

"well son, before or after sex?"

Son, "Well, before?" Father, "picture a tulip with all the petals son."

Son, "well what about after?" Father, "Picture a bull dog eating mayonnaise!"

"I'll tell you," he said, "I've learned that arthritis is the cruellest disease." "Crueller than cancer?" his friend asked. "You bet," the first codger replied, "It makes every single one of your joints stiff, except the right one."

A group of nuns died and are at the door to heaven. The guard explains to them that because they were supposed to stay pure while they were on Earth, only the ones that haven't touched a penis could go in.  The ones that were left outside had to make a line and one by one put holy water on the part of them that had touched a penis.

The first one only places her finger in the holy water. The second places her hand in the holy water. Then they hear a commotion as a nun tries to get to the beginning of the line and is stopped by the guard who asks her, "What is going on?" And the nun replied, "I just wanted to gargle first before Elena puts her ass in!"

Two guys are susposed to meet at 4:30. Charley shows up at 4:30 and waits. Finally, at almost 5:00, Paul shows up and Charley says, "Where have you been? You're a 1/2 hour late." Paul replies, "Sorry, I had to go to the dentist. My dick's been hurting bad." Charley says, "If your dick's been hurting, why did you go to the dentist?" Paul answers, "Because I had a tooth stuck in it."

King Arthur was about to embark on a long crusade. Before doing so he called to Merlin to devise a cunning chastity belt for Gwenivere. The belt contained a miniture guillotine.
Upon his return, he called to his Knights of the Round Table and had them all strip from the waist down. One by one, he went to each knight and shook his head, telling all those whose members were missing to get out of his sight. That is until he came up to Lancelot. Seeing that Lancelot was intact, he exclaimed, ''Now I knew I could count on you to be trusted. Name anything at all and it is yours.'' Lancelot replied ''UNGH! UH! UNGH!'''