Sex Jokes - Private Parts
A father has decided that his three daughters were now old enough to understand the more serious things in life, so he called them one by one to his room. When the first one came in, he took down his pants and asked if his daughter knew what it was. His daughter replied, "Yes daddy, that's a penis." Shocked that his daughter already knows so much, he grounded his daughter for a week. He called his second daughter in and also took down his pants. When he asked if she knew what it was, she also replied, "Yes daddy, that's a penis." Needless to say, he also grounded her for one week.He called his last daughter into the room, took down his pants, and asked if she knew what it was. She replied "No, daddy, what is it?" The father was happy, knowing that his daughter is pure.
" My good daughter, this is a penis." He says, starting his talk, but is is interrupted by his daughter saying, "You call that a penis?"
Never Lend Money
A husband leaves the house to go pick up dinner for he and his wife. Shortly after leaving, the doorbell rings. It is her husbands best friend and she invites him in. Since she is in her bathrobe the man says to her "you have the nicest breasts." She says, "thanks but my husband would be mad if he heard you." He replies "I would pay you $50 just to see one of them." She thinks for a minute and decides to do it. He says "Wow that is the most perfect breast I ever saw... I will give you another $50 if you show me both at the same time." She does it, and he gives her the money. The friend leaves and her husband comes home. She says "your best friend just stopped by." He answers, "Great did he leave the $100 he owed me?"
Deer Nuggets -Riddles
Q: Did you know deer nuggets are cheaper than chicken nuggets?
A: Chicken nuggets are $1.49, but deer nuggets are under a BUCK.
The Drunk Gets Fondled
Two drunks walk into a bar. The first drunk looks at his buddy and says "I gotta go use the can." So he wonders off to the bathroom and is gone for 5 ... 10... 20 minutes. Well his friend gets pissed off and goes in to get him. He finds him in there and asks "What the hell are you doing?" The first drunk replies "Everytime I flush, something reaches up and grabs my balls." The second drunk looks at him and says "Well ya dumbass, you sittin on the mop bucket"
The Purpose of Breasts
A small boy walks into his mothers room and catches her topless.
"Mummy, mummy, what are these?" he says, pointing to her breasts.
"Well, son," she says, "these are balloons, and when you die, they inflate and float you up to heaven."
Incredibly, he appears to believe this explanation and goes off quite satisfied.
Two days later while his mother is making tea, he rushes into the kitchen. "Mummy, mummy, Aunt Mary is dying!"
"What do you mean?" says his mother.
"Well she's in the garden shed, lying on the floor. Both her balloons are out, Dad's blowing them up, and she keeps yelling 'God, I'm coming! I'm coming!!!'"