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The best jokes and joke writers!

Elephant To The Rescue

This joke involves an elephant who is walking through the jungle. And all of a sudden he falls into a pit and is stuck there. The elephant is stuck in this pit and realizes that he is going to die, so naturally he start to scream. By chance a chicken hears the screaming of the elephant and decides to investigate. He sees the elephant stuck in the pit and shouts to the elephant: "Don't worry, I am going to save you". The chicken then calls on the King of the Jungle. The King of the Jungle promptly arrives in his Red Porsche. He throws a rope from the Porsche into the pit, the elephant ties it around himself and the King of the Jungle pulls him out of the pit. The elephant is saved (loud applause). So grateful is the elephant to the chicken that he promises him that he will one day do the same for him (if the chicken should ever be in mortal danger).  As chance would have it, the next week the elephant is walking through the jungle and hears the screaming of a chicken. He wanders over and sees that his friend the chicken is stuck in a pit. Oohh, Gosh! The elephant shouts "Don't worry chicken I will save you". So the elephant throws his tail into the pit. However his tail is too small and the chicken cannot reach it. Undeterred by this, the elephant throws in his trunk, but, alas this also is too small. As a last desperate effort the elephant throws in his his penis. Sucess! The chicken grabs the elephants enormous penis and climbs out to safety. Moral of the story: "If you have a big dick you don't need a red Porsche to pull a chick."

Anything for Love

The beautiful secretary of a bank president goes on a sight-seeing tour with a very rich African king who was a very important client. The client, out of the blue, asks her to marry him.  Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her boss told her,... don't reject the guy outright. So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her.

After a few minutes, the woman says to the man, "I will only marry you under three conditions. First, I want my engagement ring to be a 75-carat diamond ring with a matching 200-carat diamond tiara. "The African king pauses for awhile. Then, he nods his head and says, "No problem!! I have. I have."  Realizing her first condition was too easy the woman says to the man, "I also want you to build me a 100-room mansion in New York.  And as a vacation home, I want a chateau built in the middle of the best wine country in France.  "The African king pauses for awhile. He whips out his cellular phone and calls some brokers in New York and in France. He looks at the woman, nods his head and says, "Okay, okay. I build. I build." Realizing that she only has one last condition, the secretary knows that she'd better make this a good one.  She takes her time to think and finally she gets an idea. A sure-to-work condition. She squints her eyes, looks at the man and says, rather coldly, "Since I like sex, I want the man I marry to have a 14-inch penis.  "The man seems a bit disturbed. He cups his face with his hands and rests his elbows on the table, all the while muttering in African dialect.  Finally, after what seemed like forever, the king shakes his head, looking really sad, and says to the woman, "Okay, okay. I cut! I cut!"

Breast Awareness

Perfect breasts (o)(o)

Fake silicone breasts ( + )( + )

Perky breasts (*)(*)

Big nipple breasts (@)(@)

A cups o o

D cups { O }{ O }

Wonder bra breasts (oYo)

Cold breasts ( ^ )( ^ )

Lopsided breasts (o)(O)

Pierced Breasts (Q)(O)

Hanging Tassels Breasts (p)(p)

Against The Shower Door Breasts ( )( )

Android Breasts | o | | o |

Martha Stewart's Breasts ($)($)

OK now that you have had your laugh, remember breast cancer awareness -- so have those boobs checked out and stay healthy...

Can I Smell Something

A guy goes into a bar and seats himself next to a hot looking woman. After a few drinks he musters the courage to talk to her. After a few more drinks and a little conversation he leans over to the woman and asks, "Can I smell your Pussy?" The woman is outraged and answers with a stern,
"Of course not!" The drunk man replies...
"Oh, then it must be your feet."

Bad News

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery. Mr. Schwartz had the longest private part he had ever seen! "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz" said the mortician, "but I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity." With that, the mortician used his tools to remove the dead man's schlong. He stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed it to was his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened up his briefcase. "Oh my God!" she screamed. "Schwartz is dead!"