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The best jokes and joke writers!

Elmo Factory

Once there was a blonde who really needed some money. She saw an ad in the newspaper for a job at an Elmo factory. She went down and applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn't want the job because it was so boring. The blonde begged him and told him she would do anything because she needed the money really bad. After long consideration the manager hired her. After a few hours the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the factory floor and saw that the conveyer belt was backed up. The manager went downstairs to find out what the problem was. When he arrived there the blonde was sewing two marbles into the crotch of every Elmo. The manager said, ''I said to give each Elmo two test tickles; not two testicles!''

Deer Nuggets -Riddles

Q: Did you know deer nuggets are cheaper than chicken nuggets?

A: Chicken nuggets are $1.49, but deer nuggets are under a BUCK.

Class Guessing Game

The Teacher tells the class they are going to play a game, she will describe an object and the students will tell her what she had described.

Teacher: "The first object is Red, Round, and has a stem."

Timmy: "I know what it is, it's an apple."

Teacher: "That's right, I like the way you're thinking." "OK the next item is round, has a peel, and you eat it."

Christopher: "I know what it is, it's an orange."

Teacher: "That's right, I like the way you're thinking."

Johnny: "Can I try, Teacher?"

Teacher: "Yes Johnny, but, Keep it clean!" Johnny sticks his hands in his pockets and feels around for a second, and says "My object is round, hard, and has a head on it."

Teacher: "Alright Johnny, go to the office!"

Johnny: "No Teacher, it's a quarter, but, I like the way you're thinking!"

What To Call A Penis

At a government affair, the wives of four world leaders are chatting about how people refer to a penis in their countries. The wife of Tony Blair says in England people call it a gentleman, because it stands up when women are entering. The wife of Boris Yeltsin says in Russia you call it a patriot, because you never know if it will hit you on the front or on the back side. The wife of Chirac says in France you call it a curtain, because it goes down after the act. With great resignation, the wife of Clinton says in the USA you call it a rumor, because it goes from mouth to mouth.

Newspaper Ad Looking for a Man

A woman places an ad in the local newspaper that reads:

Looking for a man with three qualifications: won’t beat me up, won’t run away from me, and is great in bed.

Two days later her doorbell rings. “Hi, I’m Tim. I have no arms so I won’t beat you, and no legs so I won't run away.” “What makes you think you are great in bed?” the woman retorts. Tim replies, “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?!?”