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Sex Jokes - Private Parts
His Penis Has Died
An old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing home. One day he went into the nurses' office and informed Nurse Jones that his penis died. Nurse Jones, realizing the Mr. Smith was old and forgetful decided to play along with him. "It did? I'm sorry to hear that," she replied. Two days later, Mr. Smith was walking down the halls at the nursing home with his penis hanging outside his pants. Nurse Jones saw him and said, "Mr.Smith I thought you told me your penis died". "It did" he replied; "today is the viewing"
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Matador Special
A man on a business trip in Mexico decides to take in a bull fight. After the event, he stops in to the little dive next to the venue called "The Matador." As he checks out the menu trying to decide what he wants, he sees a waiter bring a dish to another customer. The dish is spaghetti with these two huge meat balls. When the waiter comes to his table, he inquires.
"That," replies the waiter, "is Spaghetti and Bull Testicles. We get them after the bull fight. It is exquisite!"
"That's what I'll have!" says the businessman.
"I'm very sorry senor, but that dish is only available once per day." Disappointed, the man orders another dish and plans to try again the next day. So again, the next day he goes to the bull fights, and afterwards stops into the dive. Just as the waiter is coming to his table, he sees another waiter bringing the dish to another customer who was there before him.
"Damn!" he says to himself. "And tomorrow's my last day here."
So the next day, he skips the bull fight, and stands in line at the cafe. He is the first one seated, and proudly proclaims, "I'll have the Spaghetti and Bull Testicles!"
"Very well, senor!" responds the waiter. Soon afterwards, the waiter brings out his dish, but the meat balls are disappointingly small. Very small, as a matter of fact.
"What's with this!" the now angry man shouts.
"I'm very sorry, senor" said the waiter, "but the bull does not always lose!"
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Boob Job Supplement
There was this girl who really wanted a boob job, so she went to see a plastic surgeon, Dr. Jones. Dr. Jones told her the cost would be $3500.00. She then told Dr. Jones she could not afford to spend that much, so he told her if she waved her hands like a duck quacking in front of her breasts daily saying, "Mary had a little lamb, her fleece was white as snow," her boobs would begin to grow. The next day she was on a bus and remembered she forgot to do the chant. She began to secretly do it, and while she was doing it, a gentleman turned around and asked her if she went to Dr. Jones. She then asked why? He replied with a hand motion moving up and down chanting, "Hickory, Dickory, Dock."
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