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Sex Jokes
Dairy Queen
Q: How did Dairy Queen get pregnant?
A: Burger King showed her his Whopper.
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Baby's First Words
A pregnant woman is about to give birth. The doctor has her on the delivery table, legs up in the stirrups. Suddenly, he sees the top of a head push through. Then the baby pops its head out and says to the doctor, "Are you my dad?". The doctor says, "No, I am your doctor!" With that, the baby pops right back inside. "Damn!", says the doctor. A short while later he sees the head push through again. "Are you my dad?", asks the baby. "No, I am your doctor.", he replies. Once again the baby vanishes back into his mother's womb. The doctor turns to a nurse and says, "Nurse, get that baby's father in here right away--we may have a situation on our hands!" Moments later the baby's father is in the delivery room, and the baby's head once again pops out. "Are you my dad?", the baby asks of the father. The father replies, "Yes, little baby, I am your father!" The baby then reaches up and begins poking his father in the forehead with his index finger-- "How do you like that?"
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Little Johnny - Poker
Little Johnny had become a real nuisance while his father tried to concentrate on his Saturday afternoon poker game with friends and relatives. His father tried every way possible to get Johnny to occupy himself: television, ice cream, homework, video games... But the youngster insisted on running back and forth behind the players and calling out the cards they held. The other players became so annoyed that they threatened to quit the game and all go home. At this point, the boy's uncle stood up, took Johnny by the hand, and led him out of the room. The uncle soon returned back to the poker table without Johnny, and without comment the game resumed. For the rest of the afternoon, little Johnny was nowhere to be seen and the card players continued without any further interruptions.
After the poker game ended, the father asked Johnny's uncle, "What in the world did you say to Johnny? I haven't heard a peep from him all day!"
"Not much," the boy's uncle replied. "I just showed him how to masturbate."
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