Dog's Letters To God

• Dear God, Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, The colt, the stingray and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the Chrysler Eagle the Chrysler Beagle?
• Dear God, Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? Where are their priorities?
• Dear God, When we get to heaven can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?
• Dear God, More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
• Dear God, Are there dogs on other planets or are we alone? I have been howling at the moon and stars for a long time, but all I ever hear back is the Schnauzer across the street.
• Dear God, Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Is Jesus Out There?

A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom. The little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I don't want to go out there. It's dark." The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. "You don't have to be afraid of the dark," she explained. "Jesus is out there. He'll look after you and protect you." The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, "Are you sure he's out there?" "Yes, I'm sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him," she said. The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called, "Jesus? If you're out there, would you please hand me the broom?"

Blonde and Horse Brain Cells

Q: Why did God give blondes 2% more brains than horses?
A: So they don't crap on the street during parades!