The Vicar's Sunday Morning Walk

The new Vicar was up early one Sunday morning, walking around his new parish, after leaving his wife in bed with the Sunday papers, her cup of tea, and a pack of cigarettes. One of the old villagers came up to him and said, "Good morning Vicar, how be you and the wife?".  The Vicar said, "Good morning my man, I am fine, the wife is fine also, as I left her in bed smoking." The villager said, "Arr, Vicar, that's the way to fuck 'em!"

Government and Religion

A minister was asked by a politician, "Name something the government can do to help the church." The minister replied, "Quit making one dollar bills."

Higher Power

A Sunday school teacher said to her children, "We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?" One child blurted out, "Aces!"