Religion Jokes

Noah Multiply

After the flood, Noah tells the animals from the Arc to "go forth and multiply."
After a few months, Noah figures he better wander around and see how the animals are doing. Everybody is happy until he comes across a couple of snakes - they are quite downcast and not very happy. Noah asks what wrong, and they say "We are Adders, so we can't multiply!"
Noah rubs his chin for a few moments, and then goes into the forest, cuts down a couple of trees, and makes a table out of them.
Then he puts the snakes up on the platform he has made, and says "Now you should be happy. Everybody knows that adders can multiply with log tables!"

Categories: Religion Jokes , Math & Science Jokes (Mathematics)
Anonymous

New York to San Francisco

A man was driving from New York to San Francisco. He got as far as Cleveland, when he realized he was getting terribly horny. So he looked up a house of ill repute and took care of the problem. Immediately, a severe guilt reaction set in, so he went to confession. For penance, he was told to say 10,000 Hail Mary's. So he went on driving and praying. By the time he got through with the 10,000 Hail Mary's, he was approaching San Francisco. Suddenly he realized he was terribly horny. So he looked up a house of ill repute, and had an orgy. Again there was a severe guilt reaction, so he went to confession. It was an old Irish priest who said, "For penance say three Hail Mary's". The man said, "What?? In Cleveland, I had to say 10,000 Hail Mary's for the same thing. Father replied quietly, "Sure now, and what would they know about fucking in Cleveland?".

Categories: Religion Jokes (Nun / Priest Jokes) , U.S. State Jokes (California Jokes) , U.S. State Jokes (Ohio Jokes) , Travel Jokes (Car Trip Jokes) , Sex Jokes
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

GOD Will Save Him

The police were going door to door warning everyone to evacuate because the river was rising. One door they came to, the man said  "GOD will save me". The river continued to rise and he was forced to move everthing to the second floor of his house. A man in a boat came by and offered to save him.   Again he said  "GOD will save me". Pretty soon the second story was flooded and he was forced to get on the roof of his house. A helicopter came by and tried to save him and yet again he said "GOD will save me". It wasn't long before the house was completely covered and the man died and went to heaven. He confronted God with "Why didn't you save me, GOD?" And God said " I sent you the police, a boat and a helicopter. Why did you stay in the house?"

Categories: Religion Jokes (God Jokes)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous