Yo Mama - Hi Five God

Yo' Mama so fat, I can stand on her belly and high-five God.

Doctor's Treatment

A Muslim immigrant in Dearborn Michigan goes to a Doctor and says, "I feel terrible."
The Doctor examines him and then says, "You need to take a bucket, throw in a dead fish and a rotting cabbage, then piss and shit in it for a week. Hold your face over the bucket, put a towel over your head, and inhale the vapors for 3 days".
The man follows the Doctors's orders and returns in a week, telling the Doctor, "I feel wonderful! What was wrong with me?"
"You were homesick."

Welcome to Hell

One day, a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he's wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the Devil.
Devil: Why so glum?
Guy: Why do you think? I'm in hell.
Devil: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?
Guy: Sure I love to drink.
Devil: We'll you're gonna love Mondays, then. We call it Tequila Monday and that's all we do. We drink until we throw up and then we drink some more.
Guy: Gee, that sounds great.
Devil: You a smoker?
Guy: You better believe it.
Devil: All right!  You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our lungs out.  If you get cancer, it's okay...you're already dead!
Guy: No way!
Devil: I bet you like to gamble.
Guy: Yes, as a matter of fact, I do.
Devil: Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races; you name it. We've even opened up a Pai Gow poker table.
Guy: Hmmm, I've never played pai gow before ...
Devil: Well now you can. You like to do drugs?
Guy: Yes, I love drugs! You don't mean ...
Devil: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a big bowl of crack. Smoke a doobie the size of your head. You can do all the drugs you want. If you overdose? It's okay! You're already dead!!
Guy: Yes! I never realized that hell was such a swinging place!!
Devil: So... are you gay?
Guy: Uh, no.
Devil: Ooooh (grimaces), you're gonna HATE Fridays!