Religion Jokes

Finally broke down and joined Christian Mingle. My username is "Jesus in the streets, Satan in the sheets." Wish me luck!

A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”

Yo' Mama so fat, I can stand on her belly and high-five God.

A Chinese man walks into a bar in America late one night and he sees Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get outta here!"

The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese!"  "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese you're all the same," replied Spielberg.  

In return, the Chinese man gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship." Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me!"

The Chinese man, replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same!"

A Muslim immigrant in Dearborn Michigan goes to a Doctor and says, "I feel terrible."

The Doctor examines him and then says, "You need to take a bucket, throw in a dead fish and a rotting cabbage, then piss and shit in it for a week. Hold your face over the bucket, put a towel over your head, and inhale the vapors for 3 days".

The man follows the Doctors's orders and returns in a week, telling the Doctor, "I feel wonderful! What was wrong with me?"

"You were homesick."