Newspaper Ad Looking for a Man

A woman places an ad in the local newspaper that reads:

Looking for a man with three qualifications: won’t beat me up, won’t run away from me, and is great in bed.
Two days later her doorbell rings. “Hi, I’m Tim. I have no arms so I won’t beat you, and no legs so I won't run away.” “What makes you think you are great in bed?” the woman retorts. Tim replies, “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?!?”

Misunderstood

My coworker was eating an ice cream cone on her lunch break when she caught me staring at her. "Hey what's up?" she said. "Oh nothing, it's just that I want to ask for something but I'm afraid you'll misunderstand me," I replied. "Haha don't worry, I won't," she said reassuringly.
"I wanna lick it," I said. She quickly extends the ice cream cone to me, to which I said, "I knew you'd misunderstand."

Made for Each Other

A friend of mine had told me he signed up with one of these on-line dating services.  So, I asked him the other day if he had had any luck and he said he'd quit -- seems they'd matched him up with his wife!