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The best jokes and joke writers!

Best Date Ever

It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date.  He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in.  "Carrie's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?" Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.  Carrie's father responds, "Why don't you two go out and screw?  I hear all the kids are doing it." Naturally, this comes as as quite a surprise to Bobby, so he asks Carrie's Dad to repeat it.  "Yeah," says Carries father, "Carrie really likes to screw, she'll screw all night if we let her!"  Well, this just made Bobby's eyes light up and his plans for the evening were beginning to look pretty good.

A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door.  About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her father, "Dammit Daddy! It's called the twist!"

Lady Tattoo

My girlfriend has a seashell tattooed on her inner thigh.

If you put your ear to it, you can smell the ocean.

Social Security Sex

Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?" "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex." "Social Security sex?" "Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"

Attraction

I consider myself somewhat of a pussy magnet...

...but with my recent luck I think the polarity is wrong.

What a Yawn Means

Q: How can you tell if your date really digs oral sex?

A: She hikes up her skirt every time you yawn.