Mail Order Bride

I tried a mail order bride, once, but she was damaged in the mail, and I had to return the unused part for my full refund.

Wife Reminder

Two guys always catch the train to work together; one is French, the other Italian. Every morning when the French guy gets on, he passes his fingers underneath his nose while sniffing and says "Aaahhh... Fifi!" He does this every day, so the Italian guy says to him one morning, "Why do you do that and say 'Aaahhh... Fifi?" The French man explains that Fifi is his wife, and he fingers her every morning and it reminds him of her all day. The next morning, the French guy gets on the trains and sniffs his fingers saying, "Fifi!" Then the Italian guy gets on and runs his whole arm under his nose and says, "Aaahhh... Maria!"

Kitchen Mess

My wife is really messy when she makes an omelette. Best not to say anything though, you have to walk on eggshells around her.