Boyfriend Buying Flowers

A blonde and a brunette walk past a flower shop and see the brunette's boyfriend buying flowers. She sighs and says, "Oh crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again. Now, I'll be expected to spend the weekend on my back with my legs in the air." The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"

Bra Shopping

My wife was trying to describe what it's like shopping for a bra. She said, "It'd be like trying to find something to hold your dick that looks nice and feels good."
I looked her in the eye and said, "I did."

Married Man's Playboy Magazine

Q: Did you hear about the new magazine for married men published by Playboy?
A: It has the same pictures month after month after month after month after month...