Shave

My wife asked when we were going out. "After a shave," I told her. "You shaved this morning" she said. "Yeah," I replied "I wasn't talking about me"

Interpretation

I was having sex with a woman when her husband got home early. She told me to use the back door and to be quick.
I probably should have just left, but it's not every day you get an offer like that.

The Stages of Marriage

Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.