Murphy's Wife

Murphy tells Quinn, "My wife is driving me to drink!"
Quinn replies, "You're very lucky!  My wife makes me walk!"

Shut Her Up!

Q: Why did God give man a penis?
A: So we'd have at least one way to shut a woman up!

Virgin's Fourth Marriage

A mature woman was in her priest's study for counseling on her upcoming fourth wedding.
"Father, how am I going to tell my husband that I am still a virgin?" she asked.
"My child, you have been a married woman for many years. Surely that cannot be." the priest responded.
"Well, father, my first husband was a psychologist, and all he wanted to do was talk, and the next one was in construction and he always said he'd get to it tomorrow. The last one was a gynecologist and all he did was look. But this time, father, I'm marrying a lawyer and I'm sure I'm going to get screwed!"