Tim Kelly Run-In

Tim Kelly was walking through a dim passageway when someone spoke to him. "Good evenin', Kelly," said to the muffled figure. "Don't ye be knowin' your old friend Grogan any more?" Kelly stared at Grogan, whose face was a patchwork of bandages and adhesive plaster. One arm was in a sling and he was leaning on a crutch. "Saints!" cried Kelly. "Was ye hit by a train, Grogan, or did ye merely jump from the trestle?" "It could've been both," said Grogan, "considerin' the feel of it. But the truth is, I was in bed with Murphy's wife when Murphy himself comes in with a murtherin' big shillelagh in his hand, and the inconsiderate creature beat the livin' bejazus outa me." "He did indade," said Kelly. "But couldn't ye defend y'rself, Grogan? Hadn't ye nothin' in your own hand?" "Only Mrs. Murphy's ass," said Grogan. "It's a beautiful thing in itself, but not worth a dom in a fight."

Buckwheat 'n Darla

Buckwheat and Darla were in school and the teacher asked Darla, 'How do you spell 'dumb'?  "Darla says, "d-u-m-b, dumb.".  The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in a sentence."  She responds, "Buckwheat is dumb."
"Now spell 'stupid'.  "Darla says, "s-t-u-p-i-d."  The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in a sentence."  Darla says, "Buckwheat is stupid."
Then the teacher called on Buckwheat and asks, "Buckwheat, spell 'dictate'."  Buckwheat stands up and says, "d-i-c-t-a-t-e, dictate."  The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in the a sentence."  "I may be dumb and I may be stupid, but Darla says my dictate good!"

Blind Deer

Q: What does a hillbilly call a deer with no eyes?
A: No Eye Deer (No idear)