You might be a redneck if the centerpiece on your dining room table is an original signed work by a famous taxidermist.
State Flower of West Virginia
Q: What's the state flower of West Virginia?
A: A satellite dish.
You might be a redneck if you had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.
You might be a redneck if you use old newspapers in more than 3 ways in your home.
Using the Outhouse
Because his son wasn't the brightest kid in the world, old Hillbilly Joe took him to the outhouse one day to teach him how to urinate properly. "Now you lissen good, Dan'l, 'cuz here's whatcha gotta do. One: Take out your penie-pipe. Two: Pull back the foreskin. Three: Pee. Four: Push back your foreskin. Five: Put your equipment back."
The boy said he understood, but the next day while he was working at his still, Joe's wife came running over. "Oh, Joe, Joe, come quick! Dan'l went ta piss an' won't come out of the outhouse!"
"Hell, whut's he doin' in there?" Joe said.
"I dunno. He jess keeps sayin' 'Two-four, two-four, two-four......'"