Dog Checkup

There was a lady, who had a dog that she loved, and he followed her everywhere. One morning she woke up, went to the bathroom, came out, and realized that her dog wasn't at her feet. She found him in his bed ''sleeping''. She called his name, but he didn't get up. So she took him to the vet and told the vet that her dog wouldn't wake up. So he looked at her dog and said, ''Your dog is dead.'' She asked the doctor to perform another test to be sure. The doctor went into another room, and came back with a cage. In it there was a cat. He let the cat out, and she walked around the dog, sniffed, and went back in her cage. The doc put the cat back in the other room. He came out and said again, ''Your dog is dead.'' She was like ''Ok, how much do I owe you?'' The doctor said ''$300'' She said, ''What!?!? How could it cost that much??'' He said ''$15 for me to say he was dead. Then $285 for the cat scan.''

Taxes

The IRS says they can't give back 80 million dollars in refunds because they don't have addresses for the taxpayers. Yeah, they can't find you when they owe YOU money.

Bozo in Five Star Hotel

There was an old man named Bozo, and all he had was a female donkey. One day he wins the lottery and gets $50,000. He doesn't know what to do with his money, so he decides to spend a night in a five star hotel. He asks for the finest room and starts going up the stairs with his female donkey. The manager sees him and asks where he's going with his donkey.
"Anywhere I go, she goes." "I'm sorry, sir," said the manager, "but you can't take the donkey upstairs. Leave it down here with us and we'll take good care of her." So Bozo goes up to his room and opens the door. Everything is made of gold, there is a table full of food, and a huge television. He doesn't want to ruin anything so he takes his raggedy coat off and sleeps on the floor. The next morning the manager comes up to the room and asks how his night was. ''Great!'' replied Bozo. ''How much do I have to pay?'' he asks. ''One thousand dollars for the food.'' ''But I haven't touched the food." ''It was right there, so you should have. Two thousand dollars for the TV." ''But I didn't even know how to turn the damn thing on!'' ''It was there, so you should have. Five thousand for sleeping on the bed." ''But I slept on the floor!''
''It was there. Your total is eight thousand dollars." ''You owe me ten thousand dollars for screwing my donkey.'' ''But sir, I didn't screw your donkey.'' ''It was there. You should have!''