Roman Algebra
Q: Why was Algebra so easy for the Romans?
A: X was always 10.
Household Physics
Ever notice that the laws of household physics are every bit as real as every other law in the universe? Here are a few examples:
- A child's eagerness to assist in any project varies in inverse proportion to the ability to actually do the work involved.
- Leftovers always expand to fill all available containers plus one.
- A newly washed window gathers dirt at double the speed of an unwashed window.
- The availability of a ballpoint pen is inversely proportional to how badly it is needed.
- The same clutter that will fill a one-car garage will fill a two-car garage.
- Three children plus two cookies equals a fight.
- The potential for disaster is in direct proportion to the number of TV remote controls divided by the number of viewers.
- The number of doors left open varies inversely with the outdoor temperature.
- The capacity of any hot water heater is equal to one and one-half sibling showers.
- What goes up must come down, except for bubble gum, kites and slightly used Rice Krispies.
- Place two children in a room full of toys and they will both want to play with the same toy.
Old Planets
OLD PLANETS never die, they just lose their attraction
Kids' Science Exam Answers
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section."
A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Oxygen is Essential
A science teacher tells his class, "Oxygen is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1773." A blonde student responds, "Thank God I was born after 1773! Otherwise I would have died without it."
