Real News Headlines

These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country:

• Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
• Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
• New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
• Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
• Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
• Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
• Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
• British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
• Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
• Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors 

Lightbulb - Junkie

Q: How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to roll it, and one to light it up.

Vampire Junkie

Q: What do you call a vampire junkie?
A: Count Drugula!