Watch What You Say!

My wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to our six- year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" I wouldn't know what to say," she replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," my wife instructed. Our daughter bowed her head and said: "Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner"!

Internet Time

Q: Dad, is it true that spending time on the internet makes you dumber?"
A: "omg son lol"

The Wall Clock and the Mother-in-Law

One day a wife complained, "This wall clock almost killed my mother today!  It fell only seconds after she got up from the couch."  The husband grunted and replied, "The darn clock always was slow!"