Driver's License Picture
You'll be so fat after Thanksgiving your driver's license will say "picture continued on other side."
You'll be so fat after Thanksgiving, instead of belly button lint, you'll find full sweaters.
You'll be so fat after Thanksgiving you'll have to iron your pants on the driveway.
Q: Why can't you take your turkey to church?
A: They use FOWL language
Moving on Up
This was a really, really big year for me. I got to go home for Thanksgiving and sit at the adults' table. That's 'cause, you know, somebody had to die for me to move up a plate.