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The best jokes and joke writers!

Change the Course of Thanksgiving

  1. During the middle of the meal, turn to mom and say, "See mom, I told you they wouldn't notice that the turkey was four months past its expiration date. You were worried for nothing."
  2. When everyone goes around to say what they are thankful for, say, "I'm thankful I didn't get caught" and refuse to say anything more.
  3. Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your "shake" back to the table. Announce that it's the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake
  4. Prepare a several hour long speech to give when asked about your thankfulness. If necessary, insist that no one leave or eat until you have finished the speech.
  5. Bring a date that only talks about the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms. Request that she bring photos.

Holiday Tattoo

A girl gets a tattoo of Santa Claus on one thigh and a turkey on the other. She wants to show that there is something good to eat in between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Thanksgiving Tunes

Q: What kind of music did the Pilgrims listen to at the first Thanksgiving feast?

A: Plymouth Rock!

Thanksgiving Dinner

Q: What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys?

A: We'd eat pussy every Thanksgiving

Black Friday Deals

Got a great Black Friday deal on a  65" 4K TV for $29.99 today.

Of course, there was a catch... The volume was stuck at the max setting so it was incredibly loud.

But for $29.99, I couldn't turn it down.