Top 10 Ways to Confuse Santa Clause on Christmas

Top 10 Ways To Confuse Santa Claus on Christmas
10. Instead of milk and cookies leave Santa a Weight Watchers bar and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds!
9. While Santa's in the house... go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket!
8. While Santa's in the house... replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to fly!
7. Keep a bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big fat Santa suit!!
6. Leave a note by the telephone telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wants to remind him to pick up a loaf of bread on his way home.
5. Take everything out of your house as if it has just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well, well? They always return to the scene of the crime"
4. Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute corrections.
3. Leave out a Santa suit with a dry-cleaning bill.
2. Instead of Christmas ornaments decorate your tree with pumpkins!
1. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa Claus to come and then say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us buddy!"

Christmas Gifting

My wife asked me to get her "bath stuff" for Christmas.
I sure hope she likes her new toaster.

10 Signs You Might Not Get a Christmas Bonus

10. Co-workers refer to you as "the ghost of unemployment future."
9. The last time you saw your boss was when he testified against you at the embezzlement trial.
8. On your door, you find a lovely wreath of pink slips.
7. What you call "my new office," everybody else calls "the supply closet."
6. Boss's Christmas card says, "Don't let the door hit you on the way out."
5. You keep getting memos reminding you that employees are required to wear pants.
4. When your boss came over for Thanksgiving, he was crushed under an avalanche of stolen office supplies.
3. Whenever you ask for a raise, a guy shows up at your house and breaks your jaw.
2. In your most recent performance evaluation, the word "terrible" appeared 78 times.
1. You're the starting quarterback for the New York Jets