Joe Biden's Deal

Joe Biden was getting ready for a Covid Halloween party when the Devil suddenly appeared and made him an offer.
"I am here to offer you a deal," the Devil said. "I will give you unlimited wealth, POTUS in 24, and a media that will pander to your every whim. In return, all I ask for is your soul, the souls of every member of your family, and the souls of all your constituents." 
Biden was deep in thought for a moment, then finally spoke:

"So...what's the catch?"

Nun Christmas

A week before the Christmas party one nun sees the other with her hands colored bright red in a sopping wet pile of fabric.
When asked what she'd been doing, she explained that she had dug an old outfit out of the linen closet that nobody had used in years, hoping to dye it red and make a Santa Claus outfit. The problem was the fabric, it was too stubborn and she couldn't get the color to take.
"Well," the first nun said, "You know what they say, old habits dye hard."

All I Want For Christmas

About two weeks before Christmas, a little Catholic boy decided to write a letter to Santa. He started "Dear Santa...", he thought "No, I will go to a higher authority", so he decided to write a letter to Jesus. "Dear Jesus, If you get me a bike for Christmas, I will be good for two weeks.." "NO NO NO NO I can't be good for two weeks," he thought to himself. So he started all over again..."Dear Jesus, If you get me a bike for Christmas I will be good for one week." "NO NO NO NO I can't be good for one week," he thought to himself. So he quickly ran to the Study room and grabbed their statue of Mary, and quickly wrapped it up in a blanket. He started all over again. "Dear Jesus, I have your mother...if you ever want to see her again...get me a bike for Christmas!"