Sex with Jennifer

After the sex I had with Jennifer Aniston yesterday there are three things I can tell you:
1. She's tight as hell. It was a real struggle getting it in.
2. She will take it all over her face without saying a word.
3. The staff at the wax museum have no sense of humor at all.

Bed Sheets

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.
Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode wasn't real and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.
In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.
A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.
As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard, (barely containing his (laughter), and who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, 'What the heck is going on here?'
The drunk, still staring down replied: 'I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost.'

The Boy with the Long Tongue and Big Lips

Q: What did the boy with a long tongue and big lips say to his mom as he was masturbating?
A: "look Ma', no hands"