Gross Jokes

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.

Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode wasn't real and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.

In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard, (barely containing his (laughter), and who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, 'What the heck is going on here?'

The drunk, still staring down replied: 'I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost.'

Q: What did the boy with a long tongue and big lips say to his mom as he was masturbating?

A: "look Ma', no hands"

Girls find it creepy that I have sex in the same bed my grandma died in.

I mean, I'll move her once I've saved enough for a funeral.

A mother was having dinner with her two young children when her three year old daughter asked her why there were two holes in your nose. Her four year old son quickly responded with, "So you can still breath when you pick your nose!"

A door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, and a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet. He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning up that horse shit, I'll eat every chunk of it." She turns to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup on that?" He Salesman says, "why do you ask?" She says "We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet."