Troubling Facts

Does anyone else feel troubled by the fact that the name of next year is literally 2020 won?

If Men Truly Ruled The World

If Men TRULY Ruled the World:

• Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the behind and a "Nice hustle, you'll get'em next time" would pretty much do it.
• Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.
• On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day too. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.
• The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle."
• Instead of a "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps."
• Tanks would be far easier to rent.
• Birth control would come in ale or lager.
• Garbage would take itself out.
• The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
• When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-alec answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. For example:Cop: "You know how fast you were going?" You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place." Cop: "Nice one, that's $10.00 off."
• People would never talk about how fresh they felt.
• Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.
• Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.
• Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
• It would perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.
• Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said "You're #1!".
• When your wife/girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
• Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to "I love you."
• "Sorry I'm late, but I got wasted last night", would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.
• At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you would jump out of your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.
• Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.
• Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

History of Louisiana Property

One of the best examples of how ridiculous government paperwork can be is illustrated by a recent case in Louisiana. A company president was trying to buy some land in Louisiana for a plant expansion, and he wanted to finance this new facility with a government loan. His lawyer filled out all the necessary forms, including the abstract -- tracing the title to the land back to 1803. The government reviewed his application and abstract and sent the following reply: 'We received today your letter enclosing application for your client supported by abstract of title. We have observed, however, that you have not traced the title previous to 1803, and before final approval, it will be necessary that the title be traced previous to that year. Yours truly.' As a result, the lawyer sent the following letter to the government: 'Gentlemen, your letter regarding title received. I note you wish title to be claimed back further than I have done it. 'I was unaware that any educated man failed to know that Louisiana was purchased by the United States from France in 1803. The title of the land was acquired by France by right of conquest of Spain. The land came into possession of Spain in 1492 by right of discovery by a Spanish-Portugese sailor named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by Queen Isabella. 'The good queen, being a pious woman and careful about title, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope of Rome upon Columbus' voyage before she sold her jewels to help him. 'Now the Pope, as you know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, who is the Son of God. And God made the world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to assume that He also made that part of the United States called Louisiana, and I now hope you're satisfied.'