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The best jokes and joke writers!

Fire Truck

A man notices a small boy wearing a fireman’s hat, sitting in a cart being pulled by his pet dog. When he gets closer he notices that the cart is tied to the dog’s testicles . “That’s a nice fire engine,” says the man. “But wouldn’t the dog pull faster if you tied the rope to his collar?” “Yes,” says the boy. “But then I wouldn’t have a siren.”

Light Bulb - Firemen

Q: How many firemen does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Four, one to change the bulb and three to cut a hole in the roof.

House of Prostitution Fire

A guy goes to a house of prostitution. He selects a girl, pays her $200 up front, and he gets undressed. She's about to take off her sheer blue negligee, when the fire alarms rings! She runs out of the room, with his $200 still in her hand. He quickly grabs his clothes and runs out after her. He's searching the building, but the smoke gets too heavy, so he runs outside looking for her. By this time, the firemen are there. He sees one of them and asks, "Did you see a beautiful blonde, in a sheer blue negligee, with $200 in her hand?" The fireman says, "No!"
The guy then says, "Well if you see her, screw her. It's paid for."

Go Away

I can't stand those interfering people who bang on your door and tell you how you need to be "saved" or you'll "burn"... 

Fucking firemen.

Norwegian FD

One cold and dark night outside a small town in Minnesota, a fire started inside the local chemical plant. When the fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. I will give $100,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact."

But the roaring flames held the firefighters off.

Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. Finally, a distant, lone siren was heard and a run-down old fire truck came into sight. It was from a rural fire company composed mainly of Norwegians over the age of 65. Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside, the other firemen watched as the Norwegian old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire fought it back on all sides. It was a performance and effort never seen before. Within a short time, the Norske old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas. The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave fire fighters.

The local TV news reporter rushed in to capture the event on camera, asking their chief, "What are you going to do with all that money?" "Vell," said Ole Larsen, the 70-year-old fire chief, "Da first thing ve gonna do is fix da brakes on dat focking truck!