Circus Horse

A horse walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, scotch on the rocks please!" The bartender, rubbing his eyes in disbelief says, "Did.. did you just talk?" "Yes I did, why?" "It's just incredible! I've never seen a talking horse! You know, you should really go talk to the local circus, they would LOVE to have someone with your skills!"
The horse replied "Why? Are they short on electricians?"

Oklahoma Crazy Law

• It is illegal to have the hind legs of farm animals in your boots.
• Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.
• It is illegal to wear your boots to bed.
• Fish may not be contained in fishbowls while on a public bus.
• Tissues are not to be found in the back of one's car.
• Oklahoma will not tolerate anyone taking a bite out of another's hamburger.
• No one may spit on a sidewalk.
• Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state.
• Cars must be tethered outside of public buildings. (Repealed)
• Anyone arrested for soliciting a hooker must have their name and picture shown on television.
• It is against the law to read a comic book while operating a motor vehicle.
• Whaling is illegal.
• Violators can be fined, arrested or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog.
• Tattoos are banned.
• Residents are taxed for the furniture in their homes, and any other personal belongings. (Repealed 1998)
• People who make "ugly faces" at dogs may be fined and/or jailed.
• Ada If you wear New York Jets clothing, you may be put in jail.
• Clinton Molesting an automobile is illegal.
• It is unlawful to put any hypnotized person in a display window.
• Oklahoma City - No one may walk backwards downtown while eating a hamburger.
• Schulter - Women may not gamble in the nude, in lingerie, or while wearing a towel.
• Tulsa - You may not open a soda bottle without the supervision of a licensed engineer.
• Elephants are not to be taken into the downtown area.
• Wynona - One's mode of transportation must be tied up while not attended.
• Mules may not drink out of bird baths.
• Clothes may not be washed in bird baths.
• Yukon - It is illegal to tie a horse in front of city hall.
• While passing another vehicle, you must honk your horn. 

Church Bulletin

I write the church bulletin each week. Last week on complete accident instead of putting in "Pastor Vill will be giving this weeks exciting messages" I wrote: "This week Pastor Vill will be giving this weeks exciting massages." Another time I was suppose to write "Forgiveness can send you to hell" and I accidentally wrote: "Forgiveness will send you to hell." Needless to say my work is checked before the bulletins are printed and passed out now in church.