Grown Up Words

A teacher was teaching a class of five year olds and asked what they all did in the summer holidays. One boy said he got a ''choo-choo.'' The teacher said, "Please use the proper grown-up word for what you have done. The word is train." Another boy said he got a ''bow-wow.'' The teacher said please use the proper grown-up word for what you have done. The word is dog." Another boy said I got a ''Winnie the Shit.''

Ponderings Collection 41

• Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
• Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?
• How can there be self-help "groups"?
• How do you get off a non-stop flight?
• How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
• How many weeks are there in a light year?
• If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?
• If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
• If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?
• If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

New Job Vocabulary

Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing who's to blame for a missed deadline or a failed project.
Chainsaw Consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.
Cube Farm: An office filled with cubicles.
Prairie Dogging: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
Ego Surfing: Googling one's own name.
Keyboard Plaque: The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards.
Ohno Second: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a huge mistake.
SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Kids, Oppressive Mortgage.
Stress Puppy: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
Treeware: Printed documentation or paperwork.
Xerox Subsidy: Free photocopies from one's workplace.