You Might Be A Redneck 48

You might be a redneck if...

• You have every episode of "Hee Haw" on tape.
• Your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than grandpa.
• Your masseuse uses lard.
• Your wife's best shoes have steel toes.
• You use your fishing license as a form of I.D.
• On stag night, you take a real deer.
• Your back porch is bigger than your house.
• There is more oil in your cap than in your car.
• You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
• A full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.

Insult Collection 02

• If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead already?
• You'd make a lovely corpse!
• I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
• Is that a beard, or are you eating a muskrat?
• Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?
• You're a wit with dunces, and a dunce with wits...huh?
• Did you eat a brain tumor for breakfast?
• You love nature in spite of what it did to you?
• I want to reach your mind - where is it currently located?
• I wish I'd known you when you were alive.
• If you ever had a bright idea, it would be beginner's luck!
• What's on your mind? If you'll forgive the overstatement.
• When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price?
• I look into your eyes and get the feeling someone else is driving.
• You're a mouse studying to be a rat.
• Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.
• Every time I'm next to you, I get a fierce desire to be alone.
• I can't believe that out of 100,000 sperm, you were the quickest!
• If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?
• There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure.
• Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
• You're a good example of why some animals eat their young.

Ball Treatment

Hey Dad, did you hear about the guy who dipped his balls in glitter?
Dad, no, I didn't hear about that son
Son, yeah, pretty nuts eh?