Ten Ways To Insult The Elderly

1. You tell them that you went to the museum, saw dinosaur bones, and thought of them.
2.  For their birthday, you offer to help them blow out the candles.
3. On their birthday, you tell the fire department that if they see a large fire, don't water it down, because soggy cake is no good.
4.  Explain to them that the reason that no one can see the Christmas tree is because you put on every ornament that they got in their life.
5. Ask them if they got Columbus' autograph.
6. Tell them that the reason that they got no birthday gifts was that everyone had to pitch in to buy the candles.
7. Ask them if the Disney hit Hercules is telling the truth.
8. Ask them in what order God REALLY made the Earth.
9. Ask them if they helped God write the Bible.
10. Ask them if they personally knew Adam and Eve.

Saddam's Bounty

Person 1: Did you know Saddam has a bounty on his head?
Person 2: Really?
Person 1: It's not surprising, I mean, he's had a twix over his lips for years now!

Two Caged Canaries

Once upon a time there were two canaries in a cage. Naturally, one was male and the other female. After many months, the male decided to meet the female. So he scooted over to her side of the cage and said, "Since we're in this together, why don't I move over to your side of the cage!" The female canary replied, "No, thanks!!" So he went back to his side but found he could stay there no longer. Once again, he moved to her side of the cage. This time he asked, "I am sorry I was to forward the first time. Why don't we get to know each other first." To which she replied again, "No, thanks!" Resigning himself to return to his side of the cage, he languished about for a bit then made one final effort. He went halfway across the cage and stated, "Well, could we at least talk?" This time she replied, "Oh, I am so sorry I have been so mean. You see I just learned I have a canarial disease called, "Chirpies' and I hear it is untweetable."