If Men Ruled The Sports World

• Once a year, you could gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets and go pillage a nearby town.
• The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football From a Different Camera Angle."
• The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers' mascot.

Laws And Observations

• First Law of Bicycling: No matter which way you ride, it's uphill and against the wind.
• First Law of Procrastination: Procrastination shortens the job and places the responsibility for its termination on someone else (i.e., the authority who imposed the deadline).
• First Law of Socio-Genetics: Celibacy is not hereditary.
• First Rule of History: History doesn't repeat itself; historians merely repeat each other.
• Flo Capp's Observation: The next best thing to doing something smart is not doing something stupid.
• Flon's Law: There is not now, and never will be, a language in which it is the least bit difficult to write bad programs.
• Flucard's Corollary: Anything dropped in the bathroom falls in the toilet.

Multi-Level Crime

Q: Have you heard about the crime in multi-story parking decks?
A: It's just wrong on so many levels.