Jokes about Families - Daughter Jokes

Highlander Taxi Ride

One misty Scottish morning a man is driving through the hills to Inverness. Suddenly out of the mist, a massive red-haired highlander steps into the middle of the road. The man is at least six feet four, has a huge red beard and, despite the wind, mist, and near freezing temperatures, is wearing only his kilt, a tweed shirt and a tam-o''-shanter at a rakish angle. At the roadside there also stands a young woman. She is absolutely beautiful -- slim, shapely, fair complexion, golden hair... heart stopping. The driver stops and stares, and his attention is only distracted from the lovely girl when the red thing opens the car door and drags him from his seat onto the road with a fist resembling a whole raw ham. ''Right, you Jimmy,'' he shouts, ''Ah want you to masturbate!'' ''But...'' stammers the driver. ''Du it now - or I'll bluddy kill yu!'' So the driver turns his back on the girl, drops his trousers and starts to masturbate. Thinking of the girl on the roadside, this doesn't take him long. ''Right!'' snarls the Highlander ''Du it agin, now!'' So the driver does it again. ''Right laddie, du it agin!'' demands the Highlander. This goes on for nearly two hours. The hapless driver gets cramps in both arms, he has rubbed himself raw, is violently aching, his sight is failing and despite the cold wind, he has collapsed in a sweating, jibbering heap on the ground, unable to stand. ''Du it again!'' says the Highlander. ''I can't do it any more - you'll just have to kill me!'' whimpers the man. The Highlander looks down at the pathetic soul slumped on the roadside and says, ''All right laddie. NOW, can you give ma daughter a lift to Inverness?''

Categories: Ethnic / Country Jokes (Scottish Jokes) , Jokes about Families (Daughter Jokes) , Sex Jokes (Masturbation Jokes) , Travel Jokes (Car Trip Jokes)
Anonymous

Teenage Zombie

Q: What did the teenage girl zombie say? 
A: IDK

Categories: Riddles , Jokes about Families (Daughter Jokes) , Dark Humor Jokes (Corpse Jokes)
Anonymous

Partial Deck

A girl comes home from school and tells her grandma that a boy at has asked her out for a date. This being her first date, her grandma gives her some rules. "If he tries to come near you or hug you, its fine. If he tries to kiss you, well thats fine too. But if he tries to lay you down and get on top of you, just push him and get out of there." The innocent girl was confused and asked, "Why grandma?" Grandma replied, "Because then he will disgrace our family." The girl having learned the lesson goes on her date. When she returns, her grandma asked her what happened. She replied, "Everything went well. First he hugged me, then kissed me. But then he tried to lay me down. So instead I got on top of him and disgraced his family."

Categories: School Jokes (High School Jokes) , Redneck Jokes (White Trash Jokes) , Sex Jokes (One Night Stand Jokes) , Jokes about Families (Daughter Jokes) , Jokes about Families (Grandmother Jokes) , Relationship Jokes (Dating Jokes)
Anonymous