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The best jokes and joke writers!

Pretty Big

A Texan goes to Toronto for a vacation. There he grabs a cab at the airport and says he's on his way to The Royal York Hotel.

The Cabby heads downtown on his way he passes Queens Park. "What's that?" says the Texan.

"Oh! That's Queens Park," says the Cabby, "Its our Provincial Government, its like your State Government. Those buildings are almost 200 years old and they are quite big."

"Oh! We have buildings much older than that and at least twice as large," says the Texan. They continue along and past First Canadian Place.

"Holy cow," says the Texan, "What's that?"

"Why that's First Canadian Place, its the biggest office complex in the country," says the Cabby, "it took almost 4 years to build."

"Really," says the Texan, "Why in Houston they have buildings twice that big, and built in less than 1/2 the time."

They continue on the way, the cabby a little miffed at the bragging, when they drive past the CN Tower. Now the Texan has his head out the window looking up at the 1850' tower and rotating restaurant at 1300.

"Holy Crap!" says the Texan. "What in gods name is that? How long did it take to build that!"

The Cabby nonchalantly glances out the window and says, "Heck if I know, it wasn't there yesterday!"

Gay Irishmen

Q: Have you heard about the two gay Irishmen?

A: Mike Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzmike.

The Lawyer's Translation

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas ranger decided to track him down.

After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit's head, and said, "You're under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll blow your brains out.  "But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish.  

Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the Ranger's message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina.  "What did he say?" asked the Ranger.

The lawyer answered, "He said 'Get lost, Gringo. You wouldn't dare shoot me!'"

Unfamiliar with a Term

These four guys were walking down the street, a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker. A reporter comes running up and says, "Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage? "The Saudi says, "What's a shortage?" The Russian says, "What's meat?" The North Korean says, "What's an opinion?" The New Yorker, says, "Excuse me?? What's excuse me?"

Beer Case

A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm. His friend Doug stops him and asks, "Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of beer for?" "I got it for my wife, eh." answers Bob. "Oh!" exclaims Doug, "Good trade!"