Gingerbread Trouble

Q: What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg?
A: A Limp biscuit

Wishes After Saving George W. Bush

George W. was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below. Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids, who were fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted. The first kid said, "I want to go to Disneyland." George said, "No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One." The second kid said, "I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's." George said, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!" The third kid said, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!!"
Bush is a little perplexed by this and says, "But you don't look like you are handicapped." The kid says, "I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning!"

No Arms or Legs

A guy was walking along the beach admiring the beautiful sunset when he noticed a young lady laying in the sand, she had no arms and no legs and was crying. He goes over and asked what was wrong. She said, "I am 21 years old, I have no legs and no arms and I have never been kissed." So, he bends down and kisses her and she stops crying. He gets up to walk away and she starts to cry again. Again, he asks her what is wrong. She says, "I am 21 years old, I have no arms and no legs and I have never been screwed." So, he goes over to her, picks her up and throws her in the water, and says - "there, now you're screwed!"