Be Nice

Never make fun of a fat guy with a lisp... He's probably thick and tired of it.

One Life Saved

A man had just been laid off from work. He was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting read to jump off, when he happened to look down and see a little man with no arms dancing all around on the river bank below. He thought to himself, "Life isn't so bad after all," and got off the railing. He then walked down to the river bank to thank the little man for saving his life. "Thank you," he said. "I was going to jump off that bridge and kill myself, but when I saw you dancing even though you have no arms, I changed my mind." "Dancing? I'm not dancing!" the armless man replied bitterly... "My asshole itches, and I can't scratch it!"

Alzheimer Benefits

Top Two Benefits of having Alzheimer's:
1. You can wrap your own presents.
2. You are always meeting new friends.