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The best jokes and joke writers!

Where's My Paper?

The irate customer calling the newspaper offices, loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was. 'Ma'am, said the employee, today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered 'til Sunday.' There was quite a pause on the other end
of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition. 'So that's why no one was in church today.'

Alzheimer Benefits

Top Two Benefits of having Alzheimer's:

1. You can wrap your own presents.

2. You are always meeting new friends.

Found Her Hearing Aid

A rather senile old lady went to her doctor complaining of draining and a feeling of fullness in her ear. After the examination, the doctor initiated a conversation that went as follows:

D: Why madam, I think you have a suppository in your ear.

L: eh?

D: Madam - You have a SUPPOSITORY in your EAR!

L: ??EH??

D: (shouting) --IN YOUR EAR! --A SUPPOSITORY!!!

L: Oh, thank Goodness - now I know where I put my hearing aid!

Sisters Growing Old

Once upon a time there were three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, and they all lived together. One night the 96 year old ran a bath. She put one foot in and paused. "Was I getting in the tub or out?" she yelled. The 94 year old hollered back, "I don't know. I'll come and see." She started up the stairs and stopped. She shouted, "Was I going up or coming down?" The 92 year old sitting at the kitchen table having tea, listening to her sisters, she shook her head and said, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful," and knocked on wood for good measure. Then she yelled, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."

Finding a House

Two police officers saw this old woman staggering down the street. Stopping her, they can tell she has had far too much to drink and instead of taking her to jail they decide to just drive her home. They loaded her into the police cruiser and one of the officers gets in the back with the drunk woman. As they drove through the streets they kept asking the woman where she lived. All she would say as she stroked the officers arm is, "Your Passionate" They drove awhile longer and asked again. Again the same response as she stroked his arm "Your Passionate". The officers were getting a little upset so they stopped the car and said to the woman, "Look we have driven around this city for two hours and you still haven't told us where you live." She replied, "I keep trying to tell you: Your Passin It!"