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The best jokes and joke writers!

Clip Clop

Q: What goes: Clip Clop Clip Clop BANG Clipidy Clop Clipidy Clop?

A: An Amish drive-by shooting.


The next time you hate your life remember, it's all about perspective. I have a friend who has sex 2-3 times a day, exercises twice a day, reads 2 books a week and yet complains about how much he hates prison. 

I'm Over the Hill Poem

We're over the hill, but don't feel sad
This side of the hill ain't all that bad
So give us "five" and then a smile
To us who have been here for awhile

With by-pass pain and mended hip
And plumbing fixtures prone to drip
We all may seem a sorry lot
But we rejoice for what we've got

We have each day and what it brings
And, on our pensions, live like kings
For the press that accuses what we take
To coin a phrase, "Let them eat cake!"

We've paid our share for unused knowledge
As the kids are now all done with college
We complain to them about our health
As they worry about our dwindling wealth

And though our wardrobes may be plain
We'll suffer no more labor or pain
Now it's with cane we do our strut
And if we can't drive - we still can putt

We're mean and tough; meet all demands
Why, M&M's melt in our hands
Yes, we're still here, and it does delight us
That you join our fight against arthritis

But we ask you make a pledge today
That you'll be careful what you say
We have to spread "Over the Hill" fear
Or we'll have those young folks over here!

Manage Your Stress!

Picture yourself near a stream. Birds are softly chirping in the crisp, cool, mountain air. No one knows your secret place. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called "the world." The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity. The water is clear. You can easily make out the face of the person you're holding under the water. There now.....feeling better?

Get A Way

Q: What kind of shoes do kidnappers like best?

A: White vans