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The best jokes and joke writers!

Heart Attack

A man comes home and hears hard breathing and female noises from inside the apartment.  He walks inside to find his wife on the floor of the living room naked. His wife yells, "Help, help, I am having a heart attack!"

The husband runs in the other room to call the doctor when one of his kids run up to him and says, "Daddy, daddy, there is a naked man in the closet."

Husband opens the closet door and sees his friend Bob. He yells at Bob, "Bob, god damn it, my wife is having a heart attack and here you are trying to scare the kids!!!"

I'm Sick

A guy rings work and says "I can`t come in to work today as I`m sick." The voice at the other end asks "How sick are you ?" The guy says "Well I`m in bed with my 12 year old son !!"

Catholic Lightbulb

Q: How many Catholic priests does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Two. One to screw the light bulb and the other to screw the altar boy in the corner!

Watch for Children

I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade."

Profiling

Two priests are out driving and they get pulled over by a cop. The cop approaches the priests vehicle and says to the driver "Sorry to pull you over father, but we’re looking for a couple of child molesters." The two priests look at each other for a few moments and then have a few quiet words to each other. The driver turns back to the cop and says, "Alright officer, we’ll do it"