Dwarf Had Enough

One day a dwarf is sitting in his local pub when suddenly a thug walks in and strikes him on his head with his hand and says "Thats a chop from ju-jitsu!" The next day the dwarfs in the bar again hoping the same won't happen again, when the thug strode in again and jabs him in the stomach. "I learnt how to do that at boxing club! Stupid dwarf!" That's it thought the dwarf I'm not taking this anymore. So, the next day when the thug was sitting at the bar the dwarf walked in and hits him so hard his head started to bleed. "Where'd you learn that?" asked the thug. "Well to begin with, you chopped me on the head with a chop you learned at ju-jutsi and then you jabbed me like you would in boxing and then I hit you with a crowbar from halfords!"

Too Many Beers

So I said "Hey man, that's my beer." Then he says, "No man, that's my beer." Then the beers say, "No man, we're our own beers." That's when we realized we had too many beers.

Wife at a Singles Bar

"I met my wife at a singles' bar." "Really?" "I thought she was home with the kids."