Bar Jokes

A Mexican,Honduran and a Texan girl are in the same bar.  When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "Our glasses are so cheap in Mexico we don't need to drink with the same one twice."

The Honduran, obviously impressed by this, drinks a beer and throws the glass into the air, pulls out his pistol and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Honduras, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either."

The Texan girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp and throws the glass into the air. She whips out her 45 and shoots the Mexican and the Honduran. Catching her glass and setting it on the bar, she calls for a refill and says, "In Texas we have so many illegal aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice." 

A guy walks into a store and says to the manager "Why doesn't your store have a name?" the store manager says, "I haven't thought of one yet but I think you can help me, what's your girlfriend's name." The guy says "Jenny" then the store owner says, "What do you like most about Jenny?" and the guy says "her legs." So the store manager says "okay, that's what we'll call my store, Jenny's Legs. Here's a coupon come back tomorrow morning and you can have a free drink." And the man says "okay." The next day the man comes back to the store banging on the window yelling "Where's my free drink, where's my free drink!" Then a police officer comes up to him and says, "What are you doing?" and the guy says "I'm waiting for Jenny's Legs to open up."

This bloke went into a nightclub and saw a gorgeous honey sitting by herself at the bar, he asked her to dance. She agreed and they took to the dance floor for a slow one. While they were cheek to cheek, the guy said, "You really smell terrific. What's that you have on?" The flattered girl told him it was Chanel #5. Then wanting to return the compliment, she said, "You smell good, too. What is it that you have on?" "Well, I've got a hardon, but I didn't think you could smell it," the guy replied.

Drink too much this holiday?  Here are the top 12 things NOT to say if pulled over:

12. Hey, wasn't your daughter a porn queen?

11. I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin' Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!

10. If I bend over, will I still get a ticket?

9. No, offi, offic, lucifer . . . I'm not as think you are drunk I am. I swear to dog.

8. No, I don't know how fast I was going. The little needle stops at 110 mph.

7. Back off, Barney, I've got a piece.

6. Want to race to the station, Sparky?

5. I know I was weaving, but I was trying to hit all the little green men!

4. On the way to the station let's get a six pack.

3. You'll never get those cuffs on me. . . You Homo!

2. Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!

1. Hold my beer, watch this...

Joe is having a drink in his local bar when in walks this gorgeous woman. Joe, not being too shy, goes up and sits next to her. He buys her a drink and then another and then another. After this and the accompanying small-talk, Joe asks her back to his place for a "good time." "Look," says the woman, "What do you think I am? I don't turn into a slut after 3 drinks, you know!" "OK," replies Joe, "So how many does it take?"