We're sorry, but it appears that you are using an anonymous proxy. To prevent fraudulent voting, we don't allow votes from anonymous proxies.

This contest requires users to be registered in order to vote.

You must be a registered user to submit a joke.  But registering is FREE and don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address, and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

You must complete account validation before submitting jokes. Click here to go to your profile page to complete the process.

We’re sorry, but your browser settings indicate that you don’t want to be tracked.  You can either disable that setting or simply register for a FREE account, so we’ll know that you want us to track your preferences and feedback.  Don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).


The best jokes and joke writers!

Sounds Like

Q: What would you get if you crossed a patriot with a small curly-haired dog?

A: A Yankee Poodle.

Dogs Rules For Christmas

  1. Be especially patient with your humans during this time. They may appear to be more stressed-out than usual and they will appreciate long comforting dog leans.
  2. They may come home with large bags of things they call gifts. Do not assume that all the gifts are yours.
  3. Be tolerant if your humans put decorations on you. They seem to get some special kind of pleasure out of seeing how you look with fake antlers.
  4. They may bring a large tree into the house and set it up in a prominent place and cover it with lights and decorations. Bizarre as this may seem to you, it is an important ritual for your humans, so there are some things you need to know:
    a. Don't pee on the tree
    b. Don't drink water in the container that holds the tree
    c. Mind your tail when you are near the tree
    d. If there are packages under the tree, even ones that smell interesting or that have your name on them, don't rip them open
    e. Don't chew on the cord that runs from the funny-looking hole in the wall to the tree
  5. Your humans may occasionally invite lots of strangers to come visit during this season. These parties can be lots of fun, but they also call for some discretion on your part:
    a. Not all strangers appreciate kisses and leans
    b. Don't eat off the buffet table
    c. Beg for goodies subtly
    d. Be pleasant, even if unknowing strangers sit on your sofa
    e. Don't drink out of glasses that are left within your reach
  6. 6. Likewise, your humans may take you visiting. Here your manners will also be important:
    a. Observe all the rules in #4 for trees that may be in other people's houses. (4a is particularly important)
    b. Respect the territory of other animals that may live in the house
    c. Tolerate children
    d. Turn on your charm big time
  7. A big man with a white beard and a very loud laugh may emerge from your fireplace in the middle of the night. Don't bite him!

K9 City -Riddles

Q: What city do dogs call their favorite?

A: New Yorkie!

Security K9 -Riddles

Q: What goes tick tick woof woof?

A: A watch dog

No Dogs Allowed

A man goes into a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door. Another guy walks into the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!" The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chihuahuas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"