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The best jokes and joke writers!

Top 10 Signs You Are 'Burned Out'

  1. You're so tired you now answer the phone, "Hell."
  2. Your friends call to ask how you've been, and you immediately scream, "Get off my back, jerk!"
  3. Your garbage can IS your "in" box.
  4. You wake up to discover your bed is on fire, but go back to sleep because you just don't care.
  5. You have so much on your mind, you've forget often how to think.
  6. Visions of the upcoming weekend help you make it through ...er.... Monday.
  7. You sleep more at work than at home.
  8. You leave for a party and instinctively take your ID badge.
  9. Your Day Timer exploded a week ago.
  10. You think about how relaxing it would be if you were in jail right now.

Top Ten Signs Your Coworker Is A Computer Hacker

10. You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was $20,000.

9. He's won the Publisher's Clearing House sweepstakes three years running.

8. When asked for his phone number, he gives it in hex.

7. Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.

6. Somehow he/she gets HBO on his PC at work.

5. Mumbled, "Oh, puh-leeez" 95 times during the movie "The Net"

4. Massive RRSP contribution made in half-cent increments.

3. Video dating profile lists "public-key encryption" among turn-ons

2. When his computer starts up, you hear, "Good Morning, Mr. President."

1. You hear him murmur, "Let's see you use that Visa card now, jerk."

Top 10 Signs of a Bad Christmas Tree.

Top 10 signs you bought a bad Christmas tree:

10. Two feet tall, forty feet wide

9. Salesman's opening line: "You're not a cop, are you?"

8. It looks suspiciously like a broom handle with a lot of coat hangers stuck into it

7. While you sleep, it gets liquored up and takes the family caravan for a joy ride

6. Each branch has "Duraflame" printed on it

5. Keeps heckling while you try to do a lame top ten list

4. It's very small and says "Air Freshener" on it

3. Rabbis have better Christmas trees than yours

2. Some guy named Mujibur puts a cheap Statue of Liberty on top of it

1. Constantly bragging about its "trunk size"

10 Signs You Might Not Get a Christmas Bonus

10. Co-workers refer to you as "the ghost of unemployment future."

9. The last time you saw your boss was when he testified against you at the embezzlement trial.

8. On your door, you find a lovely wreath of pink slips.

7. What you call "my new office," everybody else calls "the supply closet."

6. Boss's Christmas card says, "Don't let the door hit you on the way out."

5. You keep getting memos reminding you that employees are required to wear pants.

4. When your boss came over for Thanksgiving, he was crushed under an avalanche of stolen office supplies.

3. Whenever you ask for a raise, a guy shows up at your house and breaks your jaw.

2. In your most recent performance evaluation, the word "terrible" appeared 78 times.

1. You're the starting quarterback for the New York Jets

Top 10 Thanksgiving Comments

10. Reach in and grab the giblets.

9. Whew..... that's one terrific spread!

8. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.

7. Tying the legs together will keep the inside moist.

6. Talk about a huge breast!

5. "And he forces his way into the end zone."

4. She's 5000 pounds fully inflated and it takes 15 minutes to hold her down.

3. It's cool whip time!

2. If I don't unbuckle my pants, I'm going to burst.

1. It must be broken 'cause when I push on the top, nothing squirts out.