Top 10 Lists
Top 10 Short Funny Christmas Jokes
10. Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast? A: Snowflakes!
9. Q: Why does Santa have three gardens? A: So he can ho-ho-ho!
8. Q: Where do snowmen go to dance? A: Snowballs!
7. Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed? A: He had low ELF esteem!
6. Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a shark? A: Frostbite!
5. Q: Where do you find reindeer? A: It depends on where you leave them!
4. Q: What do snowmen eat for lunch? A: Icebergers!
3. Q: What do reindeer have that no other animals have? A: Baby reindeer!
2. Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? A: Claustrophobic!
1. Q: How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed? A: You wake up wet!
Star Wars - One Liners
10. "Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care what you smell!"
9. "Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?"
8. "Put that thing away before you get us all killed."
7. "You've got something jammed in here real good."
6. "Aren't you a little short for a storm trooper?"
5. "You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought."
4. "Sorry about the mess..."
3. "Look at the size of that thing!"
2. "Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!"
1. "She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid."
Top Ten New Proposed Domains
TOP TEN PROPOSED NEW DOMAINS
Earlier this week, Gregory Nemitz and a handful of space enthusiasts proposed creating special domains, including ".luna" and ".moon," for Web sites based on the moon. He wasn't kidding: And one of our "Ten laws the Net needs" involves a special ".xxx" domain for pornographic sites. But why stop there? Here are some new proposed domains, and what you can expect from the sites in them:
10. ".trek"-- contains audio files of William Shatner
9. ".bill"-- Microsoft has bought this company
8. ".love"-- for people who would rather cuddle
7. ".slow"-- based in a distant country with no T3 lines
6. ".geek"-- assumes you know what all the acronyms mean
5. ".404"-- we stopped maintaining our servers in 1996
4. ".y2k"-- contains theories about the end of the world
3. ".burn"-- huge multimedia files will crash your computer
2. ".*"-- contains allegations about President Clinton's sex life
1. ".duh"-- explains, in detail, stuff you already know
Vice President Heart Problems
- Always looks like he's pledging allegiance.
- His cholesterol level is directly proportional to the National Debt.
- He owns a signed copy of Ted Kennedy's "Joy of Grease."
- He can only donate blood to people with Type Nacho Cheese.
- After years of eating intravenously, he can make his arm burp.
- According to his EKG, his heartbeat has the same rate as a strobe light.
- Number one supporter is the Grim Reaper.
- During the Persian Gulf War he arrived in Kuwait with a spoon and bib, eagerly awaiting "Operation Dessert Storm."
- After every press conference there's a man standing over his body saying, "Clear!"
- Let's face it: He's a politician.
Top Ten Indicators that a Redneck Has Been Working on Your Computer
10. The monitor is up on blocks.
9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
8. The six front keys have rotted out.
7. The extra RAM slots have truck parts installed in them.
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
5. The password is "Huntin".
4. The CPU has a gun rack mount.
3. There is a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
2. The keyboard is camouflaged.
1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter".