Top 10 Lists
Worst Final Comments
10. See me after class.
9. Did you even read the material?
8. It's a C, but it's a strong C.
7. Fascinatingly convoluted.
6. My, what nice, big margins!
5. You must've been up all last night.
4. The book ends differently than the movie.
3. Spelling requires more than just sounding it out.
2. Are you familiar with the term "plagiarism"?
1. Tell your mom to try harder.
Top 10 Short Funny Christmas Jokes
10. Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast? A: Snowflakes!
9. Q: Why does Santa have three gardens? A: So he can ho-ho-ho!
8. Q: Where do snowmen go to dance? A: Snowballs!
7. Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed? A: He had low ELF esteem!
6. Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a shark? A: Frostbite!
5. Q: Where do you find reindeer? A: It depends on where you leave them!
4. Q: What do snowmen eat for lunch? A: Icebergers!
3. Q: What do reindeer have that no other animals have? A: Baby reindeer!
2. Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? A: Claustrophobic!
1. Q: How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed? A: You wake up wet!
Top Ten Indicators that a Redneck Has Been Working on Your Computer
10. The monitor is up on blocks.
9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
8. The six front keys have rotted out.
7. The extra RAM slots have truck parts installed in them.
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
5. The password is "Huntin".
4. The CPU has a gun rack mount.
3. There is a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
2. The keyboard is camouflaged.
1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter".
Bad Things To Include in Your Resume
- I'm really keen to work for you, I hear the drugs are good.
- I regret that I have no references. Unfortunately, every company I have worked for has since closed down.
- I'll kill myself if I don't get a job.
- I know where you live.
- Any sentence beginning with "I was recently acquitted."
- I'm really tall, so I think I'd be well suited to this job.
- Happy faces.
- By the way, I understand that you have unmarried daughters.
- I'm confident that I'll get this job. The voices told me.
Chocolate Better than Sex?
- Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
- You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
- You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
- You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
- The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
- You can have chocolate on top of your desk during working hours without upsetting your co-workers.
- You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
- With chocolate there's no need to fake it.
- Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
- Good chocolate is easy to find.
- You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
- With chocolate size doesn't matter.