Top 10 Lists
Why Men Should Join the Church Choir
10. Rehearsals are every Wednesday night. Which means that for those few hours, you will significantly reduce your risk of contracting tendinitis from nonstop operation of a television remote control or computer mouse.
9. Because you wear a choir robe every Sunday, you are liberated from a task many men find quite challenging: finding clothes that match properly.
8. From your special vantage point every Sunday, in which you look out at the entire congregation from the choir seats, you will develop interesting new hobbies. Among these is a little guessing game called "Who's Praying, Who's Sleeping?"
7. On the other hand, sitting in full view of 400-500 people on a weekly basis makes it much less likely that you yourself will give in to a chronic lack of sleep. Although it has been known to happen.
6. If you think your singing in the shower sounds good now, just wait till you've been singing with us for a few weeks.
5. Singing in a choir is one of the few activities for men that does not require electronics equipment or expensive power tools. This could be good for the family budget.
4. For the fitness buffs, singing in the Choir is not only heart healthy, it's soul healthy. But there are no monthly membership fees, and it's a lot easier on the knees than jogging.
3. If you think you've done everything there is to do, and there are no great challenges left in life, try singing with us guys and staying on pitch.
2. Choir rehearsal lasts half as long as a professional football game, but is at least twice as satisfying. This is especially true if you are a long-suffering fan of the Miami Dolphins. (Don't worry, though, the rehearsals are on Wednesday, not Monday Nights.)
1. When people ask you whether you've been behaving yourself, you can say with the utmost sincerity, "Hey, I'm a Choir Boy."
Worst Final Comments
10. See me after class.
9. Did you even read the material?
8. It's a C, but it's a strong C.
7. Fascinatingly convoluted.
6. My, what nice, big margins!
5. You must've been up all last night.
4. The book ends differently than the movie.
3. Spelling requires more than just sounding it out.
2. Are you familiar with the term "plagiarism"?
1. Tell your mom to try harder.
Top Ten Things You Should Never Do
10) Your mom.
9) Piss in the wind.
8) Spit straight up.
7) "No, officer, we haven't been drinking..."
5) Drop the soap.
4) Eat it if it smells.
3) Get drunk at a gay bar.
2) Play leapfrog with a unicorn.
1) Use Elmers' glue for a lubricant.
Top Ten Reasons For Being English
- Two World Wars and one World Cup
- Proper beer
- You can confuse everyone with the rules for cricket
- You get to accept defeat graciously
- Union Jack Underpants
- You can live in the past and imagine that you're still a world power
- You can bathe once a week whether you need to or not
- You can change your underwear once a week whether you need to or not
- Beats being Scottish
- Beats being Welsh
Victorias Secret Taboos
TOP TEN THINGS MEN SHOULDN'T SAY OUT LOUD AT VICTORIA'S SECRET
10. Does this come in children's sizes?
9. No thanks, just sniffing.
8. I'll be in the dressing room going blind.
7. Mom will love this.
6. Oh size won't matter, she's inflatable.
5. No need to wrap it, I'll eat it here.
4. Will you model this for me?
3. The Miracle what?!? This is better than world peace!!
2. $45 bucks?! You're just gonna end up naked anyway!!!!
And the number one thing that a man should NEVER, EVER say out loud in Victoria's Secret is:
1. Oh honey, you'll never squeeze your fat ass into that!!!!!!