Genie's Slide

There was an Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman. One day they came across a ladder and climbed up it, as one does. At the top of the ladder there was a genie and she said: "As you go down this slide, shout out whatever you want to land in..." So the Englishman shouted "Beeeeeeer." The Scotsman shouts "Whisssskey." And the poor old Irishman shouted, "Weeeeeeeee!"

10 Signs You Party Too Much

1. With a little effort, you could pull the bags under your eyes over your head.
2. When the professor calls out your name during attendance, you rhythmically cry out "In da' house!"
3. Your dirty laundry has become the closest thing to wall-to-wall carpeting.
4. Every study group you join gets fed up with your need to take a break for techno and grinding.
5. All your stories begin with, "I was so wasted..."
6. Your Native American name would've been "Man of Running Body Fluids."
7. You refer to sunlight as a "that bright shit."
8. You look forward to the weekdays as a time to relax.
9. Whenever you see a blinking "Do Not Walk" sign, you think how great it would look if you were on ecstasy.
10. All your stories end with, "...and that's when everything got blurry."

Beer Before the Trouble

A man walks into a bar and the bartender asks what he'll have.
The man replies, "A beer and a shot of whiskey before the trouble starts. The bartender shakes his head and gives him his drinks. All night, each time the bartender asks for his order the man says, "A beer and a shot of whiskey before the trouble starts." Finally the bartender asks the man what trouble he's talking about. The man says, "Give me a beer and I might just tell you." The bartender replies, "Sorry, you've had your limit for the night." The man says, "Ohh, now the trouble starts..."